A Time for Everything

"Just because a friendship has ended doesn't mean it wasn't exactly what you needed in that season of life."

Friendships are an essential part of our lives. They provide support, joy, laughter, and a sense of belonging. However, friendships can change; sometimes, they fade away. Recognizing when to let go of friendships that no longer benefit you can be incredibly freeing. This doesn’t mean ending every relationship that faces challenges. It’s about being aware of the patterns in your friendships and knowing when to hold on and when to release.

Understanding the Rhythms of Relationships

Every friendship has its ups and downs. Like seasons, friendships can shift from warm and sunny to cold and gray. At times, you and your friend may share experiences, support each other, and find joy in each other’s company. Other times, misunderstandings and distance can creep in.

Reflecting on your friendship journey can help you identify these patterns. Has your friendship mostly brought positivity, or has it leaned more towards negativity? If a relationship consistently feels heavy or draining, it might be time to reconsider that bond.

Figuring out when to break up with a buddy can be as tricky as trying to fold a fitted sheet. You need a good dose of honesty and some serious mirror-gazing. Here are a few red flags that your friendship might be ready to hit the snooze button:

Lack of Support: If your friend is often critical instead of supportive, it may indicate a toxic dynamic.
Inconsistent Communication: A good friendship thrives on regular communication. If your messages go unanswered or you feel like you're the only one reaching out, that may be a sign of a waning connection.
Draining Energy: Friendships should enhance your life. If spending time with someone consistently leaves you feeling exhausted rather than energized, it may be time to prioritize your well-being.
Growing Apart: As we evolve, our interests and values can change. If you find yourself at odds with someone who used to understand you, that's perfectly normal. Almost everybody reports feeling disconnected from previous friends as they enter new life stages, such as marriage or parenthood.

Learning from the Experience

A common saying regarding friendships and 7 years is "If a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will likely last a lifetime. Friendships that last seven years are often seen as a testament to deep, enduring bonds. The "seven-year mark" is sometimes used as a milestone, symbolizing a friendship that has weathered various stages of life, changes, and challenges. This period can reflect growth, resilience, and a mutual understanding that withstands time and the ups and downs that life throws your way. It's a reminder that true friendships don’t just survive—they evolve and become stronger over time. The phrase "seven years" can also evoke the idea that it takes that long to really know and appreciate someone in all their complexities, which is why such friendships are often cherished and celebrated. I have numerous experiences in my life where I had to walk away from a friendship/relationship, but I will discuss the most positive one where we found our way back to each other.

Take me and my best friend, Morgan, for example. We met during the first week of college and hit it off right away. But by spring semester of sophomore year, something changed, and we drifted apart. We didn't talk for the rest of sophomore year or all of junior year. It seemed like our friendship was over. Then senior year rolled around. We were both RA's that year (she was an RA sophomore year, moved off-campus junior year, and came back senior year, while I became an RA junior year and stayed on). So, there we were, RA's together for the first time. Even though we weren't in the same building, we knew we'd run into each other.

At first, I was okay with not being friends because I'd made peace with it over those two years. During RA trainings, I'd catch her glancing my way, and I'd do the classic head-turn-away move. Then I'd hear her laugh and realized I missed her too. It was easy not to miss our friendship when we didn't see each other junior year, but now we were together all the time during training. Morgan eventually talked to our mutual friend about missing our friendship to get the courage to speak to me. Fast forward to the last day of RA training, we took team photos. Morgan pulled me aside and asked if we could talk later, and I immediately said yes. We planned for me to visit her residence hall that evening, and I did. We talked, and everything just felt right again. Now, she's my bestie— we chat every day, she's my hair guru, my partner-in-crime, even though we're 460 miles apart. She's destined to be my future kiddos' godmother, my maid/matron of honor, and she'll be there for all the big moments in my life. She's my Mocha Frappe, and I'm her Caramel Macchiato (nicknames we brewed up freshman year). We don't often revisit the time we hit pause on our friendship, but when we do, we chuckle because it's bonkers to think we ever stopped being pals. We can't picture life without each other now. I'm thankful it happened because it made us tighter than a pair of skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner.

I bumped into Morgan back in August 2014, 11 years ago, and guess what? We aced the infamous 7-year itch like it was a pop quiz! (Cheesy, I know lol)

Like Elsa said... "Let it Go"

Letting go of a friendship can be tough, but it can also provide valuable lessons. Take the time to reflect on what you learned from that relationship. Identify its positive aspects as well as the shortcomings. Use these insights to cultivate healthier, more rewarding friendships in the future.

It's important to appreciate the time you spent with those individuals, even if the relationship ended. Acknowledging memories can help with closure and allow you to move forward with a positive outlook.

Just a heads-up: I usually start working on my weekly blog post the Sunday before it goes live. I get together with my eGroup (basically my Bible study crew) on Tuesday nights. So, funny enough, this week in my Bible study group, we talked about letting go. I could totally tell that God was nudging me to write this post.

I thought I'd throw in some questions you might want to ask yourself before ending a relationship, like the ones we talked about in my group.

Are we headed in the same direction?
When I'm around this person, am I becoming a better version of myself
How much has been invested in this relationship?
What am I afraid of losing if I let go of this relationship?
Is there anything I can do better to improve this relationship?
Have I tried everything?

Healthy Ways to Navigate the Process

Deciding to end a friendship can be a complex and emotional journey. Here are some thoughtful strategies to navigate this sensitive process:

Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, discuss your feelings with your friend. Honest conversations can be revealing. They may be unaware that their actions have affected you.
Set Boundaries: If you need space, it’s okay to establish boundaries. You can gradually reduce interactions if that feels like the right choice for you.

Seek Support: Make an effort to surround yourself with friends who appreciate and uplift you. Lean on them for support during this transition.

Embracing New Connections

Once you let go of friendships that no longer serve you, you create space for new connections. Keep your heart and mind open to meeting new people. Whether through shared hobbies, community events, or mutual friends, you can find kindred spirits who can enrich your life.

Building these new friendships may require stepping out of your comfort zone and being vulnerable. While it might feel daunting, authentic relationships founded on mutual respect and understanding can bring immense joy.

Maintaining Self-Reflection

Self-reflection should continue even after you've let go of unhealthy friendships. Make it a habit to periodically evaluate your connections. Are they still aligning with your values and goals?

Journaling can be a helpful practice. Document your thoughts, feelings, and experiences about specific friendships to gain insight into what you desire in your relationships moving forward.

I'm going to leave you with a few more nuggets that I obtained Tuesday night...

L = Look

E = Evaluate

T = Time

G = Grace

O = Open

Look: What were some of the things that you can reflect on from this relationship?

Evaluate: Moving forward, how will you be different from this relationship?

Time: What will you miss that you have to give yourself time to let go?

Grace: What hurts have you been holding on to that you need to let go of?

Open: What relationship has God given you to invest into moving forward?

A Natural Part of Life

Letting go of friendships isn’t a sad or regretful process. It is a natural part of life that opens the door for growth and self-discovery. Each relationship teaches us something valuable, shaping who we are and who we want to become.

Staying attuned to the rhythms of your relationships is essential. Recognize when to hold on and when to let go. Every end brings a new beginning. Embrace the changes, learn from your journey, and make room for friendships that truly enhance your life. After all, there is a time for everything!